Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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