you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
