hotel room ftw
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
my poor anus
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
