I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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