Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
