How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize