I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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