I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
