i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
