So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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