If that was your dad, he is hot
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
