id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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