I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
