You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
