dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
