Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
