he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
