Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
