bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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