i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this will be a night to untag.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
