ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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