Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
