One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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