I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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