I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How external is "for external use only"?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize