I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
