hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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