And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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