Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
