Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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