If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
