she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
