Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
