he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
