Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize