he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
