his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
