Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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