My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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