I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Are we still banned from the library?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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