fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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