woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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