she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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