matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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