No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
