dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
