I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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