If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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