In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
