Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
