What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
