this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
