no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
