He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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