I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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