i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
