Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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