Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
