you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
