booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
