he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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