he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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