Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
