True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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