you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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