I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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