Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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