All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
