that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
