his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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